Moms can be all too familiar with the unwelcome onset of mom guilt.
Whether triggered by seeing someone else doing it right or just your spiraling self-reflection, the mom guilt train can take us to dark places that aren’t even helpful.
As a working mom or business owner, the feeling of inadequacy in your motherhood journey can be a tough old pal to split with. But I find that it’s necessary to part with mom guilt to best move forward in both work and family.
Here’s how:
1. Change your mindset
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change her future by merely changing her attitude.”
That’s what Oprah Winfrey said, or at least the female version of what she said.
The point is, you’re a busy mom now, and like it or not, duty will always call.
You gotta stop thinking like well… a full-time mom and think more like a loving, busy mom.
Learn to adapt, and you’ll have taken your first major step into dealing with mom guilt.
P.S. If you’re finding it difficult to adjust to being a Mompreneur, here, I spoke more about changing your mindset to get you settled in no time.
2. Join a support system
“You say this a lot, Charmaine. Are you sure you’re not some secret support system ambassador?”
Well, if this is your first time on bycharmaine.com, you won’t have those thoughts, but if it’s not, then you’d see “support system” pop-up now and then in my mompreneur or motherhood articles.
Well, come to think of it, mommies know mommies best, and where else will you find a lot of sharing moms if not in support systems?
If mom guilt is a huge deal for you, joining groups and speaking with moms facing similar worries will help you adjust and deal with yours.
On Reddit, you can search communities like;
- parenting,
- beyondthedump,
- workingmoms,
- newparents, etc.
For Podcasts, try;
- A (mostly) Stay-at-home mom (this is my podcast, by the way!)
- The mom room,
- Working mom moments.
3. Create A Family Calendar
Rather than worry about if you’re ignoring your family as you pursue your dreams…. Why not create time for both?
I mean, there are 24 hours in a day, it might not be a lot, but if you’re a pro at time management, then you can easily balance family and work.
If, like my friend Rebecca, you’re terrible with time management, then check out these 10 easy time management hacks I wrote a few days ago. They work like magic!
4. Unfollow Super Moms On The Internet
You do not want to be following super moms on social media or the internet.
Wait, wait, don’t frown yet, here’s why.
If you’re overwhelmed with mom guilt or are a new mom, rather than learn from super moms who seem to do everything perfectly, you’d just be confused and upset because of the many subconscious comparisons you’ll make.
Joining support groups will do you better if you need models to learn from.
If you spend your time comparing yourself with super moms, you won’t overcome it. I’ve been there, I know.
5. Set Realistic Expectations
This one time, Rebecca and I were talking about how and where she got the energy to attend every event she was invited to without getting tired. I’m talking about 24/7 availability.
I was trying to tell her how taxing it was and warn her against reaching a tipping point. She brushed it off that she was a superwoman.
I mean I agree, we moms are superwomen, all women are superwomen, but even Superman gets tired.
Safe to say I didn’t win that debate, not until 2 weeks after that and Rebecca was a shadow of herself, with eye bags and a smaller frame.
After giving her a good “I warned you” look and enforcing a good rest and supplements, she’s been back to her healthy self but she’s a lot more conscious about her time and energy.
Sorry, Rebecca, I didn’t mean to report you, but you make a great example, lol (◕ᴗ◕✿).
Sorry for my long story, babes. I felt you’d understand better if I used a real-life example.
Remember your limits as humans, don’t try to do it all or make miracles, set realistic expectations and you’ll see yourself feel better when you meet them.
That said, don’t set very easy expectations; just make sure they’re good enough for you to improve.
6. Quality Over Quantity
Yes, I said it, I mean it.
You may not be able to spend so much time with your husband, kids, or family, but make sure every moment counts.
Focus on quality time, I mean what’s the point of spending so much time if all you do is sit and mind your business, or throw some corrections or words to your kids here and there while clicking away on your laptop?
I mean, you could instead take a few hours and go to the beach where you’d spend time laughing and playing, or the zoo, or filling rock collections, anything you love doing, but make it count even if you can’t do it every hour.
Too Long Didn’t Read?
Just make sure every time you spend with family, you’re fully engaged with them rather than giving them partial or little attention while spending a lot of time together.
7. Create and Maintain Boundaries
It’s easier to handle mom guilt when you know you’ve got special times you spend with your family or boundaries you don’t cross when it comes to other very important matters.
You can handle the guilt of not being in your kids’ lives if you create a specific time to tuck them in bed, read them stories, and stick to it.
It’s easy to overcome the worry or “mom guilt” of not raising your kids if you make sure to teach them morals or the right way to grow as a playtime habit.
It’s easy to beat the worry or “mom guilt” of not giving your husband attention if you’re sure to make him know you’re always there for him with your actions, thoughts, and words.
You get the idea now, don’t you? Set boundaries, things, and tasks you’d not miss out on that’ll build bonds and strengthen already existing ones.
Bye-bye Busy Mom Guilt (☞ ಠ_ಠ)☞
Okay not bye-bye, more like “know your place now” but does it really matter? ╮(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)╭
Just know you’re doing a great job, you’re not perfect sweetheart, but you do a terrific job! Don’t believe me? Check out those Reddit communities and you’ll see 😉
You could also listen in on my podcast, A (Mostly) Stay-at-Home Mom, where I share weekly tips for busy moms earning or looking to earn a side income. Find it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more!